Ask Jellybean
Tactile cloud materials!

So I heard some ponies talking recently about how only pegasi are able to walk on clouds and that got me to wanting to talk about something I guess a lot of non-pegasi don’t know about.  It’s actually possible to make things from clouds that are touchable by non-pegasi!  Through a couple of processes that I guess are a bit like spinning yarn, you can make cloud-stuff that’s ‘dense’ enough to hold other things and be touched by non-pegasi. 

It gets made in different strengths, from cloth (like my blankets, a dress or two I own, or the one my wife wore to the wedding) to something that can be used for boxes or crates (which is how we get food and such up to Cloudsdale and other pegasus cities).  It gets harder to work with the more dense you want it, though, and so it tends not to be anything much bigger than, say, a pony, and even then only if it’s hollow, like those boxes.  Sometimes it’s fashionable to wear stormcloud or cloud-and-rainbow jewelry: my mom has a pair of rainbow earrings dad gave her that are really pretty.

Anyway, I just thought I’d share since I didn’t realize that most of my friends on the ground might not know about this.  It’s neat stuff.

Somepony took a photo of me while I was working today.
I’m not usually this behind on my paperwork, honest!
(Art by Caytlin Vilbrandt of pixel-prism.deviantart.com)

Somepony took a photo of me while I was working today.

I’m not usually this behind on my paperwork, honest!

(Art by Caytlin Vilbrandt of pixel-prism.deviantart.com)

askjellybean:

I have some wonderful news! Our son was born last week. Sorry it took me so long to get back on and post but Typhoon and I have had our hooves full taking care of him. His name’s Squall Chaser. He has his mother’s coat and my mane. Just looking at him makes me happy. I mean,…

Umm… we did buy some books, but they’re mostly about early foal development and wing care.  I’m not sure if any of them would really help with what you’re talking about.  I mean, you seem fine to me.  Maybe a little high-strung?  But you make it work.

And as to books, we do write them, though not as many as Unicorns or Earth Ponies.  That’s one thing clouds can’t really be fashioned into, paper, so we have to trade for it on the ground.  But I’ve got a little library of books here in my house by pegasus authors.  There’s some stories I’ve had since I was a little foal (I have about half of the ‘Galespinner’s Adventures in the Other Sky’ books by Fable-Full), but a lot of it is guidelines for proper weather management and paperwork procedures.  Come to think of it, I’d say you seem most like a pegasus in the way you like to follow procedure.  If it weren’t for the part where you can’t walk on clouds I think you’d enjoy a visit to the Central Weather Office.

But really, I hope you feel better soon.  I like getting letters from you.

I have some wonderful news! Our son was born last week.  Sorry it took me so long to get back on and post but Typhoon and I have had our hooves full taking care of him.  His name’s Squall Chaser. He has his mother’s coat and my mane.  Just looking at him makes me happy.  I mean, right now he doesn’t do much but sleep, nurse and cry, but he’s so beautiful and I feel so lucky.

We, the Cloudsdale Representative Asssociation of Pegasuses, wish to express our outrage at the travesty perpetrated upon Cloudsdale's noble anthem at the medal ceremony for the pegasus relay event. While we are used to enduring the insults and jealousies of the ground-bound, to see such mockery enshrined into an event sanctioned by the Princesses themselves is utterly scandalous. We demand a full explanation, and the resignations of those parties responsible!
Anonymous

ask-miss-harshwhinny:

Oh, suck it up, you piece of poorly-conceived acronym.  If you can’t handle a few minor muckups without going on the warpath, you clearly have too much time on your hooves to be worrying about this sort of thing.  For the benefit of my non-Cloudsdalian (read: “better”) viewers, I will below list the actual lyrics of the Cloudsdale anthem, emphasizing those few points where it differs from the Games’ rendition:

Oh, we’re the Wonderbolts and we’re super fast

And we’re from Cloudsdale, which is a part of Equestria

That we like best and we’re proud and we’re fast and we like it because it really has nice trees clouds

Yeah, we love the town because it’s so cool and, and we like to fly really fast and everything like that because flying fast is awesome

I kinda wish this was over ‘cause it isn’t yet over… now.

And yes, the actual lyrics formally include a bit where the impatient pegasus songsmith wishes that his own anthem were over.  It is normally not heard in live rendition because by the time anypony gets that far the pegasus performers singing it have lost interest and have gone off to raid the snack bar for nachos.  So, congratulations, Cloudsdale.  Unless somepony out there was shocked by the tree/cloud substitution or offended at the failure to explicitly describe why you like to fly really fast, the full and rarely-heard text of your anthem horrified a crowd of fifty thousand into stunned silence.

Look, I have bigger problems than this.  My mother is coming.  My mother.

I don’t remember that version of the anthem.  But I don’t go to many sporting events unless they’re to see my sister fly, so maybe I just keep missing it?

At the Center of the Storm

ask-miss-harshwhinny:

image

The storm had fallen in earnest over the Crystal Mountains by the time I finally located my daughter, sulking in an ice palace of her own devising.  It was difficult to tell, because she is always rather blue, but I quickly surmised that she was nearly as cold as I was.  That said, the mere fact of being out of the wind made the sub-zero temperatures seem positively balmy here.

Read More

We had a Windigo problem around the time of my wedding last year, actually.  I helped solve it with a hug.  I’m glad you have it under control.

Jellybean: I am not certain you have been following the travesty that my "blog" has become, but suffice it to say we have put ourselves in a bit of a situation here in the Empire.  For weeks, the IEGC's weatherpony team has been beating back a fierce northern front, but work has been interrupted, clouds are massing, and we no longer have resources to clear it on our own before the Games.  Are you and your teams available to be imported to our aid? You will be well compensated, of course. 

ask-miss-harshwhinny:

askjellybean:

Oh dear!  That’s no good at all! I really would love to help but I don’t think I can right now: Typhoon’s going to be giving birth soon and I should be here for her when that happens.  I mean, I’m flattered you asked me but we’re really just a small-town team.  You should probably put in a Emergency Event Assistance Request form with the Weather Bureau.  If you like I could help you with the paperwork, at least.

Thank you for the offer of assistance with the paperwork.  Everything has been passed to the IEGC’s bureaucratic weasels by now and I am assured that the required forms are being filed.  This initial request was merely an attempt to do things in the good old mare-to-colt fashion that we had before the machinery of modern life ruined everything.

Ah, well.  If you choose to reconsider, please be advised that to the best of my knowledge pegasi are not subject to precocial imprinting and it is not strictly required that you be present for the birth.  You will be as much the child’s parent once you return from the Games as you would be had you actually been there.  Also be advised that the Games comes around but once every four years, and you could easily have two or even three additional foals in that time.  But I certainly am respectful of your differing priorities, and I wish you happy spawning.

Well… let me think about it.  If things are still going on after the baby’s born I’ll see if I can fly to where you are.  But I hope they get settled before that: it sounds like it isn’t very fun for you right now!

Jellybean: I am not certain you have been following the travesty that my "blog" has become, but suffice it to say we have put ourselves in a bit of a situation here in the Empire.  For weeks, the IEGC's weatherpony team has been beating back a fierce northern front, but work has been interrupted, clouds are massing, and we no longer have resources to clear it on our own before the Games.  Are you and your teams available to be imported to our aid? You will be well compensated, of course. 

Oh dear!  That’s no good at all! I really would love to help but I don’t think I can right now: Typhoon’s going to be giving birth soon and I should be here for her when that happens.  I mean, I’m flattered you asked me but we’re really just a small-town team.  You should probably put in a Emergency Event Assistance Request form with the Weather Bureau.  If you like I could help you with the paperwork, at least.

I've been receiving invitations to attend the official Goof Off! and competitive parties all over the Imperial City. The attached photos show very different places. What is involved in selecting those venues?
Anonymous

ask-miss-harshwhinny:

For the last time, ponies!  The annual Goof-Off is no longer an official Games-sanctioned event.  The event was discontinued fifteen years ago when the IEGC fully internalized that every Goof-Off eventually ends in tears after weaponized party decoration equipment and/or giant pinatas[1] are inevitably employed in an attempt to be as Goofy as possible.  Independent organizations have since taken up the administration mantle of this event, but they are unrelated to the IEGC, and why they insist on following us around is an utter mystery to me at this point.

As for your question, I wager that the site photo confusion is just another element of the overall silliness of the event, nothing more.  I have little patience for this whole subculture and wish that it would just go away.

I never should have written that rulebook.

My uncle Frog Rain says it’s a very well-written rulebook, at least.